Posts Tagged ‘Divorce Advice’

What Is YOUR GOAL in a Divorce?

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

DEFINE YOUR PRIMARY GOAL IN DIVORCE

When contemplating or facing a divorce it doesn’t matter whether you started the process or not. 

You need to have a goal to avoid being run over by your spouse or the attorney’s (either one - yours or theirs).

Decide what your overall primary goal is for the divorce. 

  • Is it to leave as friends, as amiably as possible?
  • Is it to protect your children and your rights to see your children?
  • Is it to screw them over as hard as you can and get revenge?
  • Is it to just get it over with as fast as possible regardless of what you lose?
  • Is it to preserve your assets and money?

This seems like a simple question, but divorce is always as complex as the people and circumstances involved.  So be sure you spend some time thinking about it!  

Your goal can be a long complex compount statement, but try to refine and simplify it to its essence and key components.

Also, think about your goals for “after the divorce is over”…  Try to picture yourself in 5  or 10 years from now.  Determine who you want to be, what you want to be doing and where you want to be doing it.  Then examine why you want it and how you might accomplish this. 

Once you know where you want to be in the future after the divorce, re-examine YOUR GOAL FOR THE DIVORCE.

Then, examine your expected worst case and best case scenarios coming out of the divorce and compare how the different outcomes would affect these future goals. 

This should help you diffuse some of the emotion and self doubt you are dealing with and help you determine what is truly most important now and over the long run.

Write your goal down to keep you focused on it.  

Read this written goal when you make decisions, strategize or implement tactics as you go through the divorce process.  If you find the desire to change the goal, go ahead and modify it, but  keep track of the revisions and when they happened and maybe jot a little note about what happened to make you change the goal, because it will help you to determine how your emotions and the events of the divorce are affecting your goals as you go through your divorce.

When I got divorced, I didn’t do this, I went into denial at first, then my motive or goal changed daily or weekly as the events of the divorce unfolded over the next two years.   This ended up costing me a fortune  in legal fees, delayed outcome and even in the overall settlement. 

I am certain if I were more focused on the facts and my goals, I could of done it faster and better.

Trust me!  Your goal or motive will have a tendency to wander with the emotional manipulation and evil antics of a divorce.  So if you write down your key goal and always look back at it when you are making decisions you will stay focused.

 Now that you know your Goal(s) in the divorce, then you can start strategizing and planning your approach to most efficiently accomplish the goal.

Auto Loans and Divorce

Monday, May 25th, 2009

CARS and DIVORCE - Don’t Mix at least not cars with loans…

If you and your spouse, soon to be X, or X own a car or boat or RV or other titled vehicle  together you need to sell it or pay it off before the divorce decree is signed to be sure that you have an equitable division in the divorce.

The typical scenario is that both parties have a car, both cars are in both names, or at least the LOANS for these cars are in both peoples names.  

You or the Judge decides who will keep each car and who will pay each car off.

Then life happens and usually your X will turn into a totally irresponsible piece of crap and quit paying on their car. 

You start to get collection phone calls, they start to get collection phone calls. 

The Lender says to you that you can pay the back payments and penalties or pay it off  to avoid the credit damage and/or a repossession on your Credit.

You tell them that you have a Divorce Decree that says you are not responsible for this automobile or its payments, and…

They basically say, “We don’t care!” 

And the law is on their side. 

The Loan Contract you sign (that hardly anyone reads or understands) when you buy a car usually says you are jointly and severally (together and each individually) responsible for the repayment of the loan. 

The Judge in Divorce Court cannot undo this for you.  So there is no point in asking.  A good one should point the risk out and usually advises or even orders both parties to pay the loans off or refinance as soon as possible. 

DON’T TRUST THIS!  My Girlfriend had this very scenario.  The Judge had ordered him to refinance within a year.  He didn’t.  He quit paying.  She took him back to court to force him to pay or refinance and the Judge basically said (based on his bottom line tax return number), that he didn’t have the ability to repay, so he didn’t have to do anything.  He could keep driving the car until the repossessed it.

But the facts are that the average Joe or Jane in a divorce ends up with screwed up credit and they can’t refinance, at least not on good terms, so they don’t and if they are a real jerk or bitch, then they quit paying and here you are facing all the debt and credit implications that weren’t supposed to be yours in the divorce.

You cannot go take the car unless your name is on the title and the divorce papers don’t spell out that it is the other parties car. 

So be careful, whether you are divorcing in a friendly manner or in a long drawn out litigious manner, this issue usually comes up and is common, unless all cars are paid off or sold, you may be facing significant debt and credit risk in the future.

The Solution is Easy!

  • Pay off the car loans with other accounts, funds or proceeds from sale of other assets.
  • Sell the cars and payoff the debt.

Do this before the Divorce Decree is signed!

BTW:  Ford Motor Credit seemed to handle this matter very poorly in my Girlfriends case she even offered a reduced payoff amount and terms where she repaid it and they refused.  Instead Ford sought a judgment for about $26,000.  She wrote a long detailed letter, explaining the circumstances to the judge, included copies of the divorce decree, the orders for her X to pay it and documentation of her previous failed attempt at taking him back to court, as well as mention of her significant assistance to Ford Motor Credit in their collection efforts (keeping track of the X’s cellphones, addresses, wives, etc…).  As far as we can tell she has been dismissed completely from this judgement.  We were both amazed.  Three different attorneys told her it wasn’t worth litigating that she might as well pay it (she couldn’t) or file bankruptcy.  So if you are already in this situation and you get this scary letter about a judgment, at least do a little Internet research on how to respond and send your response into the courts or appear in court if you get the chance to defend yourself…  Otherwise the Creditor will get a default judgment (whatever they ask for) and they will be able to being garnishing wages, attach other assets, etc.

Good luck!

The Divorce Workshop

Monday, February 9th, 2009

Advice on how to navigate the often tricky landscape of a divorce, whether you are just thinking of filing or deep in the middle of one.