thedivorceworkshop.com

Divorce is the End of One Relationship and The Beginning of a New One.

Its for you to decide if the “New Relationship” will be about you and yourself, or if it will involve another.

I think many people like to have rebound or revenge relationships right after a divorce, especially if infidelity was involved, but often even when it wasn’t.

Some people are just dependent on others and need someone else in their life.  If this is you, you need to make sure you find a mate that is compatible with your depenency.  I am not talking about drugs and alcohol, but I suppose that could apply here as well. 

What I am talking about is if you are a guy, especially a divorced guy, think back to what your ex-wife always complained about… Here is a suggested list to think about:

• Too much TV
• Too Fat
• Too Lazy
• Sitting on the couch all Sunday watching football
• Internet Porn 
• Staring at Other Women (and getting caught)
• Too much focus on Sex (with or without your Spouse)
• Cheating
• Gambling (Poker/Lottery Tickets/Other)
• Too much Beer or other Alcohol
• Too much Work
• Too much Focus on Self and Not the Family or Spouse
• Spend Too Much Money.
• Don’t Earn Enough Money.
• Don’t Help out with the Dishes or Around the House.
• Etc.

Guys if you have one or more of these items/issues/vices on this list above and your ex complained about them you may seriously want to consider counseling (just kidding) but you do want to consider if you want to give them up and/or if it is possible to really find a compatible Woman that will accept you for who you really are.  If you don’t want to change then I suggest you find someone that doesn’t want to change you…  Not always an easy task, but be straightforward and upfront about it and give them the full disclosure before you ask “will you marry me“.  Remember there is a reason you are Divorced regardless of who instigated the process.

Ladies - The same thing applies to you….

I know I am a guy, dude or whatever and probably don’t know jack in your opinion, but hear me out.  Your not perfect either and there is a reason you are divorced as well… so here is your list of possible vices/faults or traits to think about (caution - you will probably be offended  ;-).

• Too much Love of Shoes
• Too many Shoes
• Too picky about a Clean House
• Not picky enough about a Clean House
• Too many Clothes
• Spend Too much Money
• Don’t Earn enough Money
• Stare at other Men
• Internet Porn (I suspect some of you look, cause there are sites out there for ladies (I am told))
• Too much focus on Self or Kids and Family
• Not enough focus on your Man
• Not enough interest in Sex
• Too much interest in Sex (with or without your partner)
• Work too much
• Don’t do enough work around the House
• Too busy and focused on doing things (silly things)
• Etc.

Ladies, I know the list is similar, but I am sure a few of you have a few of these traits that your ex considered to be a weakness.  I personally am all for shoes as long as they are “hooker shoes” and have a pair of legs and a skirt attached.  But seriously, we all have faults or traits that others consider to be a fault.  

 Again my generic advice is think about what you do or don’t want to change about yourself and be straightforward and upfront about it with your future partners and possible spouses.    You decide if you want to change or have someone attempt to change you, because if you don’t want it, you will probably only marry to end in another divorce.

Men and Women do seem to be from different planets at times, yet we are actually pretty similar.  Whether we realize it or not we all as human beings tend to focus on our own perspective too much and not that of the other person. 

We are all selfish to some extent, we all have desires and goals and probably even some actual faults.  To make a “New Relationship” work, I believe you must be brutally honest about what you do or don’t want in the relationship and I would pretty much recommend dumping all the skeletons out of the closet and onto the floor for discussion before ever entering into another marriage.

Your Brain, You Decide!

Chris Out

www.thedivorceworkshop.com

Tags: Divorce, New Relationship, Relationship, Second Marriage

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 21st, 2010 at 6:09 am and is filed under Divorce Advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.